from the book of Matthews

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

24 Gil left the temple and was walking away when his commission came up to him to call his attention to the state of the game. ² “Do you see all these things?” he asked. “Truly I tell you, not one plastic bucket seat here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.”

³ As Gil was sitting in the Medallion Club, the club presidents came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of the the end of the age?”

⁴ Gil answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. ⁵ For many will come claiming, ‘a Tassie team is the Messiah,’ and will deceive many.⁶ You will hear of club infighting and rumours of club infighting, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁷ Club will rise against club, and state against state. There will be poor stadium returns and an unfair fixture in various places. Demonic power will rise, crowds will be amazed and say “Never has anything like this been seen in Perth!” ⁸ All these are the beginning of birth pains.

⁹All people, great and small, rich and poor, ruck and rover, MCC and level 4, will receive the mark of the beast, a barcode, so that they may not enter without it. ¹⁰ Paper ticketing will leave you outside the gates of heaven. Let the person who has wisdom calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a new rule.

¹¹ That number is 6-6-6. Be warned and stay vigilant, as those who fail to observe this ruling will also be warned at first. ¹² Be watchful therefore, praying at every turn, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things which are about to come to pass, and to stand before the son of Hassa Man, without taking a step or showing any signs of decent to the ‘man in white,’ who is holy and cannot tolerate decent. ¹³How much less a mortal, who is but a maggot.

¹⁴ “AFLX will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and it will be hated by all true football supporters because of me. ¹⁵ At that time many will turn away from the game and will betray and hate each other, ¹⁶ and many AFL puppet journalists will appear and deceive many people. ¹⁷ Because of the increase of wickedness, the connection to footy of most will grow cold, ¹⁸ but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. ¹⁹ And this gospel of the league will be preached in the whole of Victoria as a testimony to all states and territories, and then the end will come.

²⁰ “So when you see standing in the MCG ‘the rectangular game of abomination that causes desolation,’ spoken of through the prophet Barrassi—let the reader understand— ^{21 “}then let those who are in Jolimont flee to the mountains.” ²² Let no one on the Marvel Stadium roof go down to take anything out of the AFL house. ²³ Let no one in the field go back to get their duffel coat. ²⁴ How dreadful it will be in those days. ²⁵ Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on grand final day. ²⁶ For then there will be great distress, unequalled from the beginning of the Australian football in 1858 until now—and never to be equalled again.

²⁷ “Immediately after the distress of those days “‘the sun will be darkened, as the Waverley Park lights prophesied, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the twighlight grand final will be shaken.’

²⁸ “Then will appear the sign of the Son of Hassa Man in heaven. And then all the peoples to the south of the Barrassi line will mourn when they see Mike Brady coming on the clouds of heaven with his guitar, with power and great glory. ²⁹ And he will send his backing singers in with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds of Cazaly, from one end of Subi to Carrara.

³⁰ Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. ³¹ Footy as we know and love it will pass away, but AFLX will never pass away.

³² For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking and running free through the corridor, up to the day Rodney Eade entered the coaches box; ³³ and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and changed the game. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Hassa Man. ³⁴ Two men will be in the field; 50 will be placed around him and much congestion will ensue. And AFLX will be the solution to such problems because 7 players will be in the field and 11 will be taken.

³⁵ When these things happen, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, and talkback on SEN will be running pretty hot too.